As I write this column, the snow has vanished, the sky is bright and cloudless, and the high temperature is somewhere in the bracing but companionable upper 40s. This means that my fellow Ohioans are dressing . . . in much the same manner as they have during the last few weeks of bitter cold. What gives?
To my chagrin, even as the snow piled up and the temperatures sank, many of my fellow Buckeye State residents insisted on dressing as though spring was in the air. Sure, puffer jackets and boots were ubiquitous, but despite the undeniable insulating properties of such articles, neither is my idea of robust winter wear. A puffer jacket against Winter Storm Fern? Puh-leeze.
Where were all the parkas? I saw distressingly few people donning leather gloves or guarding themselves against the elements with scarves. Not counting my occasional trips in front of a mirror, I do not believe I encountered a single person bundled up in a duffle coat with horn toggles. So, as our region experienced multiple snow and ice events, I came to renew my annual realization that relatively few Ohioans have invested in such clothing.
It would not be unreasonable to ask why any of this matters to me. After all, as long as I manage to keep myself warm while going out and about in subzero weather, why should I look askance at those whom I deem inadequately dressed for what Mother Nature has thrown at them?
Part of the reason for my fastidiousness about such matters may stem from my conviction that certain clothes are meant for certain conditions.
I, too, welcome the arrival of spring, but I would not think of wearing my Jos. A. Bank polyester-and-cotton windbreaker—the one that has accompanied me on countless brisk walks over the past 27 springs—until at least late March or early April. Should I feel compelled to wear it before then, I would only do so after throwing on a sweater first.
By the same token, much as I love high-end, long-lasting winter wear, I recognize that such items are only called for on certain days. To start with, I do not wish to suffocate in a parka in 50-degree weather (just as I do not wish to freeze in a raincoat in 10-degree weather). But in a four-season climate such as mine, there will inevitably come a time when that parka, having rested for so long in the coat closet, will once again be pressed into service. Over the years, I have spent more money than I care to admit on duffle coats, overcoats, scarves, and cashmere-lined leather gloves—three pairs of the latter, to be exact. But I justify such expenditures because I know that, at the end of each winter, these items will have met their quota for usefulness.
But to wear clothing that is not up to the challenge of an Ohio winter seems to me to reflect an unseemly urgency on the part of the wearer to sprint past the present season and into a new one. This dissatisfaction seems to me a spiritual problem as much as a sartorial one. If we are in such a hurry to move on from winter that we dress as though it is Frisbee weather, are we not taking for granted the blessing of each new day—even if it is frigid, gray, and plain old ugly? Did not the author of Ecclesiastes write “for everything there is a season”? Furthermore, to wear clothing clearly not intended for the given season suggests a certain disconnection from reality—as though someone is spending too much time on TikTok and not enough observing the conditions outside.
Of course, I am not in an ideal position to advise anyone to power through winter as though it were a burden. I readily concede that I relish trudging through snow and being blasted by arctic air, but part of the reason for my unusual attitude is because of the many thousands I have spent (and my parents once spent) at Brooks Brothers, J. Press, and other fine stores that have left me prepared for those conditions. To the ill-dressed inhabitants of cold-weather regions of the United States, I leave you with the following: With the skies clearing and the birds chirping, you may be close to having a reprieve until next winter. But when the snow and ice return, you might find that you enjoy them more if you dress accordingly.
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